Keith"s Joke Page #1

Jersey style!!!

Two men are driving through New Jersey when they get pulled over by a State Trooper. The Trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick, the diver rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "what was that for?"
The Trooper says, "You're in New Jersey son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I'm not from around here."
The Trooper runs a check on the guys license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the Trooper smacks him with the nightstick too.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The Trooper says, "Just making your wish come true." The Passenger says, "huh?"
The Trooper says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, "I wish that bonehead would've tried that stuff with me

Thanks Stephen
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged:

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER - We Three Queens Disoriented Are
GRANDIOSE - Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
MANIC - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and
PARANOID - Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
SOCIOPATH - Thoughts of Roasting You on an Open Fire

Thanks Bill

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story is: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Thanks Irv

I am Obsloete !

I never could admit defeat .
But now it's clear- I'am obsolete !
WhenI hear someone say "dot com ". I don know whear they are coming from .
A mistery that I still dont get . Is what and whear is the Internet
When Cheryl said she had a mouse . I said we will fumigate the house !
Am I the only living male who doesn't understand e mail ?
I always vote and pay my taxes but I dont understand what a fax is .
Nor do I quite know what it means when people go to church in jeans .
It doesn't matter what we wear . The main thing is that we are there .
Sometimes I must tell myself , You're old you belong on the shelf !
But really it's not to hard to bear -
I'am obsolete , and I dont care !

Source Unknown

Off Subject

A preacher was to give a talk to a local women's health symposium . His wife asked about his topic , but he was to embarrased to admit that he had been asked to talk about "sex" . Thinking quickly he replyes sailing !
OH thats nice his wife said
The next day at the grocery store , a young woman who attended the lecture recognised the ministers wife . That was certainly an excelent talk your husband gave yesterday ," she said He really has a unique perspective on the subject
Some what chargrined the ministers wife replyed " gee funny you should think so . I mean he's only it twice once his hat blew off the secont time he was sick !

Reader's Digest

Hunting

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"

Thanks Irv

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